Saw Yes Man on New Year’s Eve. Great concept. Okay implementation. Some details downright offending. Overall, laugh-out-loud funny. But I won’t say I recommend the movie. Still, the idea of saying, “Yes!”, to everything life has to offer is generally the way I approach life. And I found myself agreeing with many of the twists and turns in the storyline as my wife leaned over to me saying, “I’ll bet you wish I were like that.”
Andrea and I pulled out of the Springdale parking lot with 23 minutes to go. We pulled into the garage 5 minutes to midnight – just in time to celebrate with my oldest daughter and two of her friends who were spending the night. The ball falls and we ring in the new year together. As an aside, did you see Dick Clark? Woah. The poor guy. All of this had me taking stock of all the things I had a chance to experience in 2008 because of my willingness to say, “Yes,” and a philosophy of servant leadership. Whether riding my bicycle 100 miles or spending 4 hours at the mall because my daughters want to go, if my reason for NOT doing something is that I’m selfish, tired, or lazy, then I do my best to say Yes instead.
I started blogging at the end of 2007 thanks to David Bowman. He pointed me in the right direction and offered great mentoring and advice along the way. And I found a reason to use my English degree. But what to blog about? I’m still trying to figure that out.
My initial focus aimed right at the information technology community. Around Cincinnati there are a number of disparate technology communities that don’t spend a lot of energy communicating with each other. There are hundreds of great people that participate in these communities and give their very best to further their efforts in the region. So I began writing about them. From Kishore and Cincinnati SPIN to Mike Wood and CINNUG, to the PMI, OWASP, and CinART, to the Information Technology program at UC and the companies like Kroger that hire its graduates, I wanted to make sure they all received their 15 minutes. By the end of the year I would be a director of CINNUG and OWASP and would also have won a subscription to MSDN valued at $11,000.
Blogging inspired my creativity, and in early 2008 I covered the regional Central Ohio Day of .NET up at the Roberts Centre in Wilmington. My day there generated this well received video bringing the spotlight to many members of the .NET community. This work also inspired some other directions into video and podcasting.
I had served as a judge for the University of Cincinnati’s College of Applied Science Tech Expo in 2007 and received an offer to serve on the IT program’s accreditation advisory board. Since then I’ve been working closely with the faculty for the program, including department head Dr. Hazem Said, to develop ideas that will continue to grow the program’s influence and effectiveness. In this work I’ve had the opportunity to work with the great kids that have been a part of this program, especially around their senior design work. Here’s the 2008 Best of Tech Expo winner that came from the IT program.
Seeing a gap that exists between these kids’ senior design projects and getting some of these projects to market, I’ve been working to build an infrastructure that allows these ideas to germinate, grow, and find the support they need to keep both the talent and the creative ideas right here in Cincinnati. Dr. Said and I are working on a Center for Innovation that will put all the tools and processes in place to help some of these students start and grow their own businesses and products. Bill Cunningham, Chuck Matthews, and others have been integral in providing feedback for this.
Speaking of UC, I also figured since I was getting involved with CAS I should go see what was happening in my alma mater, the McMicken College of Arts & Sciences. It took a random email in my inbox to get me started. Alumni weekend was coming up, and the email contained the list of events. So I signed up for everything. The highlight of the weekend was Lunch With The Dean on Friday. Hosted at the Kingsgate Marriott, Dean Valerie Hardcastle took the seat right next to mine. We had a lively conversation that prompted me to get even more involved.
Near the end of the ‘07-’08 school year, McMicken College hosted an ice cream social where alumni, faculty, and staff handed out Graeters to all of the A&S students. What a blast. I got a nice t-shirt and a zipper portfolio out of the afternoon, along with some great pictures with the students and other folks.
Following that experience, Matt Cunningham, a journalism graduate student with the college, contacted me to do an alumni profile for the McMicken college’s online magazine. Talking with Matt reminded me of many of the reasons why I view the community as so important and try to get involved as much as possible.
Then in September I received a signed letter from the dean asking me to serve on the McMicken College Alumni Advisory Board. I was both humbled and honored. Mike Volan, the A&S development director, met me for coffee and we discussed the responsibilities of the board. I accepted, and I’m looking forward to getting involved more with the A&S programs and students as well as the networking opportunities with the A&S alumni. The first board meeting I attended included lunch at the Kenwood Country Club hosted by Children’s Hosptial Director of Auxiliary Relations and A&S grad, Rich Dineen. Not too shabby.
Homecoming weekend provided a couple of interesting opportunities. That Saturday for lunch I would be attending a talk by former Cisco CTO, Judy Estrin, and LinkedIn Chairman and founder, Reid Hoffman. Still, I thought I could make the homecoming parade beforehand, leave a bit early, and still get downtown in time. Looking around for someone who looked out of place in order to strike up a good conversation, I happened to sit down next to a woman from Florida (I think). She was sitting in a chair sort of alone. We started talking, and as fate would have it, she was Myron Hughes‘ girlfriend. Now Myron played basketball for UC in ‘86. I enrolled in ‘87 and did not know Myron, but she told me that Myron had been hired as the Executive Director of the Alumni Association. So I gave her my card and asked her to have Myron call me.
A few weeks later I got a personal call from Myron asking me to serve on the Programming and Services committed of the Alumni Association. I accepted, and now am working with some very energetic folks in trying to create compelling programming to raise the visibility of the schools’ influence on the alumni community.
Switching subjects, for those who have followed my blogging or my participation in the technology communities, you know that my daughters dance quite a bit. Rehearsals happen on most community meeting nights, so I’m consistently leaving other events early to pick them up. My oldest daughter participates in a Christian dance company, Guidance, that focuses on using dance to worship God. Over the Christmas holidays, Guidance performed for a number of constituencies, including a couple of nursing homes and a home for pregnant women who have nowhere to go. I got to see her perform which nearly always brings tears to my eyes. And then to see these girls’ impact on the adults with their dance is downright humbling. Thank you, God.
All three of my daughters perform with the Mason Dance Center. Each December, to benefit the Mason High School after prom, the dance center performs a version of the Nutcracker “All Jazzed Up.” My wife and I have also performed in this for a number of years, making the performances a family affair. This year, some of the folks I invited, other than my parents and in-laws, actually came to see us. Thanks for coming! What a treat. As a father of girls, I want to make sure I’m involved as much as possible in their lives and activities. I want them to have a great experience with me and set the bar high in terms of my love for them. Soon they’ll be bombarded with all the expectations of immature boys who aren’t ready to take responsibility for their actions. I’m hoping that my love for my girls will keep them from searching for love in all the wrong places.
In June of this year my car flipped 200,000 miles. I’m up to about 221,000 as 2008 flipped. When I bought the car in 1998 for $10,000, I told myself I would make this car last 300,000 miles. And this statement haunts me to this day. Over the last 10 years I have done almost nothing to the car, and it has long since been paid off. It still gets 30MPG. I just can’t bear to part with it. On the other hand, it simply won’t die. I think it’s God’s way of paying me back for my statement.
Over the years I’ve toyed with the idea of replacing it, but have never pulled the trigger. And that’s okay because at the end of 2008 I found myself in a position of having been laid off. Halloween no less. During the holidays in the middle of the worst financial crisis in a long, long time is not the most opportune time to be laid off. And while I’ve made some pretty boneheaded financial decisions from time to time in my life, overall the choices my wife and I have made have been pretty level-headed. No car payments, no credit card bills. Just a small mortgage payment. If I could feel good about being laid off, I guess this would be it.
Having always done my best to add value to the organizations I’ve been a part of, parting LUCRUM was bitter sweet. I spent 4 1/2 years there and helped develop the company culture. Leaving was tearful for both sides. But the economy and the short-term conditions simply couldn’t bear the weight. I think it was time.
LUCRUM treated me very well as we parted. I had been planning a Florida vacation with my family for the first two weeks of November. It had already been paid for, so we decided to go. Sanibel Island was first on the list with a few days in Orlando after that. I’ll tell you what, there’s nothing like being in the warm breezes of Sanibel on the beach during a sunrise or sunset. Simply beautiful. I think I’m going to like retirement when it comes.
During the year I also focused on my fitness. My max bench press reached 245 pounds, and my deadlift 305. I still have a ways to go, but it felt good to reach some personal bests. My resting heart rate was generally in the high 50s with a low 50 on a good day. The last six weeks have been erratic at best in terms of working out, and my resting heart rate has moved into the lower 60s. I need to get back on this.
Each year in September, some friends of mine and I take a 100 mile bike ride to support the Hope, IN foodbank. This year’s ride became a turning point in my life. As the ride ended, we packed up our bikes and equipment and headed back to Cincinnati. Along the way, the five of us witnessed a deadly accident and we were able to pull two men from a burning truck and save their lives. Despite what this looks like from the outside, the experience was not necessarily positive. At least not a first. It took some time to digest and understand what had happened.
As my family finished up our Florida vacation in November and headed back to Cincinnati, I received an out-of-the-blue phone call from a relative of one of the men who were in that truck. We talked about the men, their condition, how much they meant to their families, the helicopter flight that relocated the men to facilities better able to handle their condition, and on and on. She asked me for the addresses of the folks who helped that day. Then in early December, each one of us received heartfelt notes from about 15 relatives of these men thanking us for what we did that day. From our perspective, we were just there doing what anyone would do to help. How incredibly humbling. Man, we’re all in this world together just trying to make it through.
Still loving UC, a friend of mine invited me to the Syracuse game where the football team locked up the conference championship. What a blast. I also received a couple of tickets to a basketball game and took my youngest daughter to be a part of the experience.
In July we got a dog. Tyler. He’s actually the nicest, kindest, gentlest dog. For not being a dog guy, I think I could learn to like this one.
Also in July, I let Paolo Dominguez talk me into participating in InOneWeekend, an event that brings 100 entrepreneurs together to formulate an idea on Friday evening and start a full-fledged business by Monday. What a blast. On Friday, Google’s Roy Gilbert addressed the crowd. We spent the weekend sequestered in Tangeman University Center on the campus of the University of Cincinnati, working each night until midnight, launching Lifespoke on Monday. It is there that I met Elizabeth Edwards, the 20-something running the non-profit InOneWeekend organization.
Elizabeth’s story is amazing. I don’t know if I’ve found anyone more eager to see the region find success in keeping its talented creative class here and giving them a reason to stay. Except for maybe the folks at Soapbox. Elizabeth introduced me to Dacia Snider and Jeff Syroney, the publisher and managing editor at Soapbox. These folks give the creative class a voice and let the rest of the country see all the great things going on in Cincinnati. In 2009 I’ll begin contributing to this work.
On a more personal front, my wife and I have run our congregation’s children’s ministry for the last 10 years. We had also spent about 17 years working with our preteen, teen, and children’s ministry in one way or another. As of 2009, we have handed this leadership off to another able couple. We’ve had a good run. During the last few years I’ve also participated on our congregation’s leadership team. 2008 was the year that we were able to develop a functioning eldership, and the need for a leadership team was disbanded.
In November, Jennifer Marsman, a Microsoft Developer Evangelist out of Detroit, visited Cincinnati on a road trip. I introduced myself. She said she knew me and asked if I could produce a video like the one for the Central Ohio Day of .NET for the MSDN Developers Conference. We ironed out a few details, then in mid December I found myself in Atlanta covering MSDNDevCon.
I’m sure I’m missing so much more. Off the top of my head, this is the sort of stuff that happens when I say Yes to the things life puts in my path. Look around and find a way to say Yes this year, then get out there and make a difference.
First, thanks to all of you who have seen this story about me and my family and have responded personally in such great ways. I appreciate this more than you know. Still, the piece tells only one small part of the story.
If you know me, I’m all about helping people out. I’m an optimist. I look for ways to find the positive side of every story. So when I saw the call to Help A Reporter Out, of course I responded. Charlie Cooper from CBS was looking for recently laid-off IT professionals for a series of stories he was doing. Having been recently laid off myself, I thought I could add a positive perspective to the story.
So I contacted Charlie and on November 28th said:
“Hi Charlie,
“I have been in an IT role for 15 years and was recently laid off on 10/31/08 – Halloween. I have been looking for a new position and have some interesting options, including becoming and staying self employed. I also have a few corporate opportunities and feel like I’m in a solid position to land something within the next two months. I have a strong network and have always given to that network, and I feel that is why I’m in a relatively good position while searching.
“If my story might be able to help you, please let me know.”
Charlie and I spent some time on the phone talking one afternoon, and I tried to make sure to paint a positive picture. You see, I have a number of interesting opportunities that I’m working on including writing for Soapbox and continuing to find ways to bring the venture and startup community into contact with the talented students in UC’s IT program. I’m all about retaining the talented and creative class by finding ways to make Cincinnati interesting enough for them to stay. I also talked about starting a business as well as contracting in the short term. And a number of folks have brought full time positions to my attention.
We talked finances for a bit, too. And of course, not having a current income makes finances a sore point from time to time, but my wife is magical with money and we’re good with short-term savings until mid-March if absolutely necessary. That’s about 5 months. Not too shabby. In fact, the day I was laid off, our family packed the Suburban and headed to Sanibel Island for a week. So please, don’t cry for me. When it’s time for me to ask for help, I will. Until then, there are others that need help much more than we do.
In the end, talking about layoffs inherently tends to be negative. And if I talked long enough then surely something I said would help Charlie make his point. The stuff Charlie reported is accurate. And the lesson I learned is that a reporter will tell it the way they want to tell it. So take the things Charlie said with a grain of salt, then look at the smiles on my family’s face. That’s how we’re really doing. We’re all in this together, and I’d rather see the positive than wait for handouts and get bogged down in the negative.
Jeff Syroney and I had an interesting discussion the other day about Cincinnati. You know, we have a world-class Orchestra, an Opera, venues that host Broadway musicals, a great local music scene, an award-winning contemporary arts center, a nationally recognized zoo, along with other fantastic museums and arts organizations. Not too shabby. Why wouldn’t you want to live in the region?
The problem is that you can replace “Cincinnati” with “Cleveland,” “Pittsburgh,” or any other number of cities of similar size. At the regional level there are too many similarities between cities our size. But no other city can boast of the Harvest Home Fair or the largest urban historic district in the United States as well as the largest contiguous collection of Nineteenth Century Italianate architecture. Then there is always Skyline Chili or Graeter’s.
So what do you think? What are the niches that make Cincinnati unique?
I can’t believe I didn’t know Ran Mullins. Ran reached out to me through LinkedIn not too long ago. Because I need to know the folks in my network, and because I had never met Ran, I asked if we could meet for coffee before accepting the connection. Troy Davis was a friend who worked for Editspot. And I knew that Adam Koehler recently took lead design role with Metaphor Studio. So I had some basis for reaching out and making the connection productive. What I didn’t realize was the depth and strength of Ran’s motivation to show off everything that is truly awesome about Over-The-Rhine.
We backed into our conversation through a discussion of Ran’s art. If I remember correctly, formally trained at the Cincinnati Art Academy, In an effort to earn a living through his art, Ran spent quite a bit of time in New York making a run at getting his work showcased in the local galleries. Thankfully for Cincinnati, that endeavor proved difficult, and Ran found himself back in Cincinnati – in Over-The-Rhine. And he’s been there to this day.
Ran then created Metaphor Studio in an effort to earn his living. Today, the agency is a vibrant, full-service agency located in OTR not too far from Coffee Emporium. Through the years Ran understood the increasing value of OTR and made concerted efforts to publicize this through the iRhine magazine and iRhine.com, an OTR portal showcasing everything good about the area. Once 70,000 strong in population, about 7,000 people now call OTR home, and with continued vision and investment OTR is gaining strength again.
Earlier this fall Metaphor proved instrumental in putting Cincinnati back on the map as they spearheaded the effort to bring VH1 to town to celebrate the award-winning 3 Doors Down video, It’s Not My Time, filmed right here in our city.
In the next couple of months, Ran and his companies will release Editspot, a content managment system that provides all the social collaboration functionality you would want in a CMS. Take a look at it when it’s released. Then buy local and continue to support the innovation coming out the city we call home.
Fundamental basic research is hard. Business and political barriers make basic progress at the foundational level of research very difficult. The US culture has devoted fewer and fewer resources to true game-changing, fundamental research. Americans can trace the shift in resources from no-holds-barred Sputnik era where the entire culture unified itself behind the goal of landing on and returning from the moon to today’s venture capital environment where a good idea better have paying customers before the funding spigot opens.
Now most of us are too young to understand the problem with the existing innovation ecosystem in the United States that simply does not allow enough time and diversity of thought for ideas to fully bake. Business measures itself in three-month sprints where analysts watch earnings closely and management must wring every ounce of inefficiency from the system. Every idea has, oh idunno, about three weeks to positively affect the bottom line before someone loses their job. Politics follows two-year election cycles that don’t allow for funding of long-term studies and the setting of culture changing national policy. Science seems to be “geeky” and expensive, so we outsource to China and India where research costs are much lower. And we’re good with this, well mostly, because we don’t know much different.
Contrast this framework with the ubiquity of the internet. The internet required 30 years of agenda-setting, fundamental research along with funding and policy to create the technology required to reach ubiquity. Similar breakthroughs simply could not happen in the US today.
Consider World War II. From radar, mass-produced penicillin to the atomic bomb, science played a fundamental role in the outcome of World War II. With the challenges of Nazi Germany, the US faced the need to innovate simply to secure freedom for the world. Then in 1957 with the launch of Sputnik, the US realized that the Soviet Union’s atomic weapons could now reach our shores. In 1958 the creation of DARPA allowed the US to focus on long-term, high-risk research so that we would not face another Sputnik. John F. Kennedy then galvanized our determination to lead the world with the goal of returning from the moon. Our leaders understood the role science played in our society as a response to global events.
In the 1970s, large companies began to focus on efficiency and allow research funding to wane amidst global competition and Wall St. pressure. Government funding of basic research fell to new lows while industry funding for research surpassed government funding for the first time. Still, industry tended to focus on applied research, where new technology could bolster the bottom line, rather than basic, open-ended research that leads to breakthroughs.
The 1980s brought an era of smaller government where policy dictated that the government should not support research efforts that industry could take care of on its own. While projects like the internet continued to receive funding for supercomputers and high-speed links, the basic research that led to these initial breakthroughs were no longer a priority. Other legislation required universities to become stewards of their research, ensuring their discoveries benefited society. The unintended consequence was that universities began to focus on applied research that generated new funding, and research labs suddenly became profit centers rather than centers devoted to the open sharing of information.
With the 1990s came a society of litigation, and industry could not afford to take an offensive stance. Defense became the norm. Defense allows only incremental innovation – an evolution rather than a revolution. The barriers to groundbreaking basic research grew more difficult to overcome. Then with 9/11 and the incredibly poor management decisions of the early 21st century that brought down the likes of Enron and Worldcom, the US found itself bunkered down with an almost crystalized inability to break new ground in the area of basic research.
And that brings us to the current research climate that many of us are comfortable with as we built our careers in this climate and we’ve adapted to make the best of it that we can.
UC’s Russ McMahon has given us one of the most incredible opportunities of our time. Really. He has spent the last two years bringing the people together that performed and experienced some of the groundbreaking research that led to the advent of the computing age as we know it today, and how the University of Cincinnati played a part in this. We owe it to ourselves and our families to learn from them so that we can unlearn what we know, re-cultivate a healthy innovation ecosystem, and hopefully not repeat the history that has painted us into a corner.
Saturday, before the GCVC lunch, I stopped on Clifton to cheer on my Alma Mater during the homecoming parade. Part of making a difference is having fun and getting involved in the community. Who would have thought that UC had a water skiing team?
As fate and serendipity would have it, of the thousands of people lining Clifton avenue, I managed to sit next to the girlfriend of Myron Hughes, the Executive Director of UC Alumni Association. Myron played basketball for UC and graduated in ‘86, the year before my freshman year. So we chatted for a bit, and I gave her my card to give to Myron to volunteer some of my time and resources.
Steve Boord and I talked over lunch on Friday about some of the innovation and entrepreneurship growth opportunities in Southwest Ohio. Steve is a managing director at Neyer Holdings, a regional vc that looks to fund early stage ventures. If you get a moment, review his bio as he has a fantastic story, including stints with Lucasfilm structuring the Star Wars prequel licensing deals. Cincinnati has a great resource in Steve, and I’m glad he decided to bring his experiences back to Cincinnati and look for opportunities to help this region grow.
We talked about some of the issues holding back growth in the region. It seems that there is plenty of funding available, but some of these ideas need to take off. With some regret there is no “next facebook” in Cincinnati that technologists and innovators can latch onto and help get off the ground. So the technology work locally is centered around what the large and established companies are looking for. And this work, generally, is not interesting. I mean, how many database-driven business apps do you need before you’ve seen them all.
Maybe this is a chicken-egg thing, but one of the outcomes of this is that the region does not have enough technologists to make great ideas a reality. In my work with UC’s College of Applied Science IT program I see a couple of things that could be one small step in changing this dynamic. I’ve watched the students progress through the last two senior designs, and in each graduating class a handful of students created products that could meet a market need. On graduation, without guidance and direction to help these ideas take off, the students either move on to “regular jobs” or they move away to find interesting work in a technology hub like Chicago, L.A., or North Carolina. I don’t doubt that the other local universities experience a similar dynamic.
Another roadblock is, perhaps, a risk-averse midwestern conservativism that fosters a fear of failure. “I don’t want to get involved in a startup because it might fail.” Uh, yeah. So what? That’s what startups do. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t have the, say, *lightbulb*. Duh. So we need some folks with risk tolerance. That are willing to fail, and fail a lot, in order to succeed once. And then repeat the cycle until it happens again. This cycle reminds me of the experience of ShareThis SVP of Product Strategy, J.B. Kropp. J.B. moved from startup to startup to startup. He found incremental success along the way and hit one big with ShareThis and it’s recent $15M round of funding.
Steve also put a few thoughts on the table about generating critical mass in order to make startups succeed. Entrepreneurs have some great ideas, they bring them to the market, and then fragment available resources by stealing them from other startups. Yes, this is necessary to get an idea off the ground. And it would be great if the region had enough truly innovative and thick-skinned technologists to go around.
Take the non-profit paradigm. Your good friend or relative dies from complications of diabetes, so you startup a new non-profit to raise awareness and funds for diabetes research. You build the infrastructure and build out a mom-and-pop structured organization to fight the battle against diabetes. How many organizations just like yours already exist? How much money could channel directly to diabetes research if all of you collaborated, built out one infrastructure, and attacked the problem together? Would it be possible to put the emotions of “your cause” aside in order to join “our cause?” Interesting.
Maybe the entrepreneur community could come together to attack building new companies in a collaborative manner. Building a central infrastructure. Leveraging economies of scale. If the entrepreneurs in the region could come together and approach their collective work with teamwork and cooperation, maybe some of the ideas could be set aside while everyone focuses on bringing one idea to market. Lather, rinse, and repeat.
I’d love to hear your ideas. Why does the region have such a low risk tolerance? Why do the best and brightest move away? How can we generate real innovation, and not just incremental, right here at home?
Matt Cunningham, a University of Cincinnati A&S grad student, spent some time with me today discussing how I, as an English Lit major, found a career in information technology. Apparently that career path is irregular and somewhat interesting, so Matt wanted to profile it for an upcoming issue of the Micken Monthly newsletter. We sat down in a LUCRUM conference room to talk.
As we talked, Matt drilled down into why I offer my time, and how, given the many priorities demanding attention, devoting time as a UC alum bubbles to the top. Now, I should probably stop having these conversations, because when I actually think about the amount of time I give *I* start to wonder how I do it. And then I question my own ability and constraints His questions, though, helped me clarify and reinforce, for me, why I give away much of my time.
For starters, I firmly believe that what goes around comes around. I’ve never been disappointed (although I have been introspective) when I give of myself. I have learned along the way not to expect any thanks or repayment, and that service in itself is the reward. Still, I’m surprised almost daily by the interesting and unexpected ways that life does give back.
Next, working with UC, specifically, feels good. Where I may work hard offering my time to other organizations that might build my professional network, much of the work that I do at UC involves the students. My goal in working with the English majors is to show them the broad professional opportunities available, and they don’t have to channel themselves into journalism or, ehem, waiting tables The inherent training in the emotional IQ and the strong interpersonal communications skills developed in college are incredibly valuable to the market. My goal in working with the College of Applied Science IT program is to help the best students find great jobs locally so that we can keep our talent right here at home.
The next reason is that somebody has to do it. Back in ‘92, when I started attending the UC A&S Tribunal meetings I realized that there was a lot of valuable work to be done and very few people around to do it. I also noticed the difference that one person could make – and how much the group dynamics changed with one invigorated person. So now I continually ask myself the question, “If I don’t do it, then who will?”
Finally, and this didn’t hit me until after my conversation with Matt, I want my kids to understand the high contrast and huge value gap between selfishness and selflessness. Call it karma, what goes around comes around, the good Samaritan – whatever – it is better to give than to receive. I want to make sure that my kids understand this lesson first hand in their lives. And I want to make sure they learn it from their Dad.
So Matt and I finished up our talk. I headed out for a salad at Ingredients in the Westin, one of my favorite salad places downtown. On the way I stopped at 3 different ATMs before one would dispense a denomination less that a $20 bill. You see, my wife keeps me on a strict budget and I only had $10 left I stood in the usual long line and got the usual spinach with carrots, avacado, roasted red peppers, broccoli, and bacon bits. Amber packaged up my salad, smiled, and asked, “Have we given you a free salad?”
“No,” I responded.
On Chef
She tagged the salad with “On Chef” and a smiley face. Today’s salad was on the house. Amber, you made my day.
Chalk another one up for what goes around comes around.
My wife and I facilitate the Marriage Dynamics self-education course in an effort to teach couples about the tools that will help them grow closer the rest of their lives. I think having our own marriage struggles makes us more capable facilitators as we share from our own lives and we don’t have to talk in theory. We’ve sure been through some rough times. Thank God for Andrea, for in the end she loved me even more, and our relationship strengthened as we overcame the challenges. I know she is the woman for me. Still, I don’t get it right many times.
At the recommendation of friends, Andrea and I saw the movie Fireproof this week. Okay, 60% cheesy. But 100% right on. I think I was uncomfortable through the first third of the showing because I saw myself on the screen – exposed for everyone to see – including my wife who, thankfully, already knew my faults. I had to laugh (to myself) when the sniffling became audible as the couple whose marriage teetered on the brink began to learn valuable life lessons.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m thoroughly Christian, and I would say that the overwhelming influence on my own character the last 20 years has been Jesus, God, and the Bible. I am the way I am because of these. I just can’t imagine anyone but a Christian going to see a movie like this. So when the overt, in-your-face references to Jesus’ influence hit the audience over the head like a baseball bat I begin to wonder why we always have to be told about Jesus’ influence. Especially when the movie preaches to the choir. Why can’t we be shown the influence allowing the audience fill in our own blanks as they pertain to our life experiences. That, for me, usually creates a more powerful learning environment.
To be fair, 70% of the movie was showing and not telling. Those parts really made an impact as I tried to make sure my prideful heart was as open as possible to the lessons.
Some of the lessons I took away include true love requiring personal sacrifice, the principles of Jesus’ teaching can produce lasting and infectious change, and even though the heart is deceitful that I can lead my heart to the right place.
If you struggle in your marriage, Fireproof seems like a movie that will hit home and help you make personal decisions to change. If your marriage is in a great spot, then Fireproof will help you recommit to your marriage and look for ways to make it stronger. And if you’re like me, when you’re in the car with your wife driving home afterwards, and she asks you, “How do you think we’re doing?” Don’t answer, “We’re alright. I could find ways to spend more time with you.” Let’s just say she was looking for a bit more than that.
So I have some work to do. It looks like it’s time to spin up another Marriage Dynamics course. If you’re in Cincinnati and looking for a Marriage Dynamics course, drop me a line at as_erickson@hotmail.com. And surf on over to www.fireproofmymarriage.com to find some great resources to strengthen your marriage.
The lessons from the car wreck have started to sink in for me. I think I cringe about my asking, “Should we stop,” because of some past experiences. I drove down Princeton road today and recalled the dark morning of New Year’s Eve some years ago. You see, I had driven down Princeton between the bypass and 747 on my way to work. I knew that only me and one other person would be at work over the quiet holiday. I dressed comfortably and looked forward to a quiet day of actually getting stuff done.
That morning I passed a stationary Rumpke truck in the opposite lane. Princeton is a two-lane road with no shoulder, and as I passed the truck a car approached at about 45 mph with no signs of slowing down. The car could not pass the truck on the left because I was there. The driver was not about to ram the back of the truck as that would be assured destruction. And as I looked in my rear-view mirror, I watched in horror as the car veered off the right shoulder and into the ditch next to the road. My next thought was, “Where was the garbage man?!”
And I did not stop.
With a flippant someone-else-will-take-care-of-it attitude, I figured the driver of the car had a mobile phone and he would make the call if something serious happened. And then about a quarter mile down the road I did pull over and made the 911 call. Assured that help was now on the way, I continued my drive to work.
Later, I discovered that Princeton had been shut down most of the day, that the garbage man, in fact, was tending the garbage on that shoulder when the car rammed through it, and that air-care had flown the victim to an attending hospital. Not that I could have actually done anything productive if I had stopped, I still feel the guilt of not stopping. What in my life could have been so important and self-serving to take the place of helping another human being.
The following year, at my daughter’s soccer practices and games, I would see gentleman braced and pinned in place within a titanium frame and screws. He generally wore a Rumpke t-shirt. I always wondered if this was the same man. I never asked.
And that’s why it bothers me so much that I asked, “Should we stop,” on our Indiana trip that day.
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His questions, though, helped me clarify and reinforce, for me, why I give away much of my time.